It started as a joke, but it became something pretty serious. It was supposed to be nothing else, but one month testing for writing an article here on my blog as I am doing now. For what? Well, let me explain.
Probably the craziest thing people keep imagining about me is that I would be some kind of specialist of dating. LOL. I am so out of it. Yes, I can give some probably good tips for where to meet people naturally and how to start conversations, but about dating and how should you handle it I have no idea. About how do you know if “they are the one or not” my tips are like if the first kiss sucks, it’s game over. But guess what, it’s not for everyone. We all are different with our own personal feelings and opinions.
So right away before I start talking about my experience of Tinder I want to highlight that what I am now writing is not an advice for how to do it right or better. I am only sharing my own feelings about that app based on my own personal experience of what I saw and felt there, and after having conversations with other users of their experiences by using the app. The opinions of other users I have highlighted and marked with their nicknames. At this point I want to thank you everyone who sent me them opinions and experiences of Tinder app, not all of the I could add on the post as it already became super wide, but I’ll keep mentioning them on discussions on my stories on Instagram. For keeping this post as objective as possible, I have also separated some of the questions I am often asked about and my responses to them. Let’s start from some those questions.
Do you believe you can find love online?
I do believe you find the love anywhere. I still believe that the better match I myself would find by looking from somewhere I am spending my time at, like hobbies and around things I am interested in. I have found it’s hard to try to find the matching person online as so many seem looking for just sex and someone to have fun with. And it’s not working when the other part is looking something serious. I am also worried about how many people get fooled there, especially young and very sensitive persons.
– – –
Why are you so negative about dating apps?
To be honest, after trying Tinder for 1 month I am even more negative than I used to be. I would never try to find someone for myself from Tinder or another online service like that. Not earlier I was so worried about what happens there on those Apps as I had no idea. Now when I have some better picture of what really is going on there, I am worried. I am worried about how any people get fooled there, especially young and very sensitive persons. Those Apps like Tinder can be very wrong and even dangerous choice for many people. You can really never know who are you talking to, and the same thing we should remember everywhere in social media. The users are humans and not all humans are good ones, that’s the truth unfortunately. It’s not a joke when telling even crimes are caused because of those Apps.
You can tell I am old fashioned person, but I have no reason to even think about meeting someone from online Apps. I myself better trust the real contact somewhere in real environment I can really see the other person and talk to face to face. It would be too hard for my capacity to even think about meeting someone I have only talked online with. Have I done so in my life? Yes, once I have. And I feel I was very lucky this person was such a good person, but it was anyway so hard for me mentally that I understand to never ever do it again. It’s not my thing.
– – –
What kind of man are you looking for?
Well, the person I am looking for.. mphh, I am not actually looking for anyone right now. I think I am all good just by myself so far. But about the featrures I actually wrote a blog post a little while ago. You can read it here >>
On Tinder I myself kept focus on these things before giving a like or dislike:
1. What kind of pictures the person has chosen and tried to analyse why. Where and in what situation the picture has been taken and how the person is looking at the camera
2. The smile: is it real or fake, or not smile at all?
3. The body language in pictures
4. Description of themselves
5. Matching interest
I went through hundreds and hundreds of profiles during my first week and I gave 13 likes as my report showed. One of them went wrong way so I actually meant 12 of them. I responded messages of two of those and the one of those two was my age man living on a same street and working on same career, but as an engineer. So we are kinda neighbors and I recognized his dog. Right away I told both of them I am not looking for someone or something but just testing the App for my blog post coming up. Both were fine with that. Not messages from others I liked I ever opened as I don’t feel comfortable to chat with unknown people. Not my phone number I could ever even think about sharing on Tinder. Not even, let me tell you, this second one I talked to was like most charming man I have ever met. Too bad I met him online 😉
I didn’t open the App for two or three weeks and then couple of my followers asked how am I going to give a realistic picture of Tinder if I am not even using it. Right. So I went back and kinda started over. This time I decided to be more active even if it made me feel uncomfortable. And even more uncomfortable it became by I stared to see users I do know personally somehow:
One of them was a big shock a sad way as I have no idea why is this person hanging there online and trying to find some company as I know there is no problem to find it anyway. And I do know this one is not looking for someone just for having fun.
One of them messaged me by phone as is having my phone number. I didn’t see this person there, but they saw me. I kindly told them I was just trying the app and also, that I was not interested in no matter what and said thank you.
The other one was a big shock a terrible, horrifying way. Why? As I definitely know this person is not looking for nothing but sex and I have always felt sorry for the people this person has been played with. I have kept thinking where is this person is finding those poor people from. Well, now I do now and it affected me the way I can’t even watch this person anymore. It just makes me feel sick to know. So this way Tinder actually gave me something good: it helped me to understand the performance of someone. Sadly the way this person is never going to hear from me ever again. Of course, as a fair person I told them that. I swiped and got a match which actually surprised me a lot. And made me feel even more sick. However, it was my opportunity to tell them what’s going on and say bye bye.
When I made myself to reactivate on Tinder again, it didn’t make me feel any better but worse. Even if I though a lot before giving them likes and even though I gave them very little, almost every positive swipe ended up showing me “the Match”. This made me feel very frustrated as it shows whether people keep liking there without thinking or then the App favors showing you the profiles who has already liked yours.
I am not the only one thinking about the matches and the amounts of liking on this app.
“People are reaching for Matches only on Tinder. I think it makes them feel more confident or grow their ego up. I am tired with Tinder, but I am using it by hoping one day I would meet someone taking me seriously”.
“I think women have better chances on Tinder than men. There must be more men than women using it. I have never got even one Match so I should pay for using the app to reach someone out. I am not going to. At times it makes me sad to think I am not good enough”.
Oh well, Tinder is pretty odd world, filled with nothing but superficiality and fake. Them people already having a partner finding an adventure or living in “open relationship”. Decisions will be made only by the picture, not what people type on profile. And I feel that no one is not even reading what you write there. I find Tinder VERY frustrating app, and I do feel that’s the place for many people to act something else but what they really are. That really sucks. I myself appreciate the honesty and authenticity. I feel it’s just important to be yourself there, that’s how do I feel.
Most frustrating thing for me anyway was that even if I thought I chose my likes very well, the messages those people started to send showed me I obviously didn’t. So let me tell you I would have saved tons of my precious time if I had met those people just for example on the street or at the market, by seeing how they are actually talking, acting and behaving. Not the damn face and little description on App tell anything about that in real life. Geez!
“I found that place being very superficial. It seems like you have lots of options, which makes you believe that by the next swipe there must be someone better. It asks lots of luck to meet someone seriously interesting person on the app. There are so many users, you can tell by quick look and reading, that they are very far from what you are looking for, which why I am very selective with my own swiping. Also the conversations are very difficult, whether people don’t answer at all or the conversations die after few first questions. Those who I find attractive (meaning users who can write more than one intelligent phrase and whose looks are pleasing me even somehow) are so popular, that I could never reach the match with. I myself have noticed, that I really need to adjust of using the app, because pretty fast it makes me feel frustrated and it gives me a feeling that I am not wanted.”
– Kalastajan Tytär
I also got surprised of the topics people are willing to talk about on Tinder. Obviously there are some very lonely people online, too. I don’t think Tinder is correct place for that as I consider it as a dating app. Most of the people started the message with words “where” or “how” they can meet me. My first thought was “why do you think I would like to meet you, I don’t even know you?”.
“I am very afraid of Tinder after two bad experiences. First time the person I met was not the same as in pictures. The second bad experience put me into relationship with someone who led a double life. I had better experiences before those two but I didn’t meet any of them, only those two. I am today in a relationship with the waiter who I opened up about the second bad experience once I found out the hidden family. Funny but I think it was supposed to happen.”
It was very frustrating experience I would say. Also the App itself was very frustrating as it kept pushing the upgrading sales all the time. I would never pay even a penny for using this kind of app. Would you, seriously?
If I should mention one good thing about Tinder, I would say the feature you can’t send any pictures there.
However, seeing people I know on Tinder made me think about what people knowing me think about me when seeing my profile on Tinder. Obviously not everyone knows I was just trying it for my post to be. And it made me wish even more that the month would end up and get closed soon. As I myself just can’t find a way it would anyway normal or healthy thing to me to be there and seriously looking for some sane, balanced company or even love. It feels sad as I know there are some good persons as well and so many people actually looking for love. That’s just not my thing. Not now, and I do not believe that it ever will.
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