We are filming now, making a show for other people to watch from TV: to entertain them. But to me it’s nothing else but a deep wish for waking up their understanding and helping them to open their mind to think wider. And same time we are tearing ourselves apart and that’s something the audience can never really understand. And that’s okay, that’s actually even part of the purpose – part of the business. You know, everything is about business today. Time is money and money leads the power. But seriously, money really doesn’t matter at all after all. Not after basic needs, though. And still for some of people, I would say even for most of people, it’s everything.

There was a time I was the audience. Thinking of anything else but what I saw, what I was watching from TV while watching it. Seeing what the supervisor and producers wanted us to see. Not behind the scened, not the minds of people through the screen really. They were just actors and actresses, singers and comedians. While watching we forgot that they are humans. They are us. Nothing else. Just humans and like you and I. There was a time I was the audience and got tricked to drown into what I saw, let them touch me. And now I am there, on the other side and it’s crushing my bubble up.

I can’t watch TV without thinking of that any longer. Without thinking of them, without thinking of real humans working in studio without the music added on background afterwards. Doing more than the audience can ever see, making repeats over and over again; same shots without giving up. Pushing themselves through the sleepless nights, handling their emotions. Emotions. You never see what they really feel like, you see what the people behind the movie or show want you to see and feel like. You never feel their personal happiness or sadness, or their pain. You don’t know what keeps them going, you never know what keeps them awake at nights. You never know, as you are not them. You are just a watcher and they do it all for you. They are the clowns, fools and jesters chained up on the screen and you keep watching.

I am trying to watch latest Bond movie which I used to love because of the emotions. I try to watch Rami Malek on other movies, too, but I can’t see anything else but repeats they possibly did at studio, thinking of stunts and after all, I can’t stop thinking about his personal mind. Them reasons behind he is not on social media, the reason of the chosen roles, and if they really were chosen or not. Not anymore I can see what I was supposed to see. Because I do feel.