It was terrible – the feeling I had and that last like over a week. I had no idea what was going on, all I was aware about was that I had no energy to do anything. I was so much in pain all over, I couldn’t move my body without feeling stabbing everywhere, I felt like I was having most awful flu without fever, my ears were horrible, felt just like stuffed potatoes and I couldn’t hear. And then after all it ended up with a terrible rash on my back which felt like someone was skinning my whole back off.

After all it was all about my new lung meds I recently got started and the specialist asked me to stop taking immediately when I had these awful symptoms. So last few days I have been pretty much fine, meaning the way I can walk again, enjoy of the fresh air and feeling my normal “sick” self without those most horrible symptoms. Next week will start at hospital again, but I have accepted that’s just the part of my life today.

So oh gosh, I am so happy the biggest awfulness is over. I have enjoyed of nature and sauna bathing by that again every single day, kept listening Christmas music even in sauna (I have a stereo with me in sauna, if you can do the same, let’s try it!), I have had self massaging every night and kept watching seasonal movies (thanks a lot for all the tips!).

I have still been out of a social life, but actually had a long phone call with my dear friend on Saturday. It felt amazing as she is so normal despite I am not all the same, even if I am tired she acts like it’s all fine. So double oh gosh for that, why not all people can be as amazing as she is. I really do not want to talk about my health all the time, I have to face it every single time at hospital and in my daily life when things don’t work like they used to. Writing has became difficult again and speech is what it is, people just don’t understand when I am trying to explain something and not communicating so actively by texts. It’s frustrating. So I have been off and will be off until I feel good with that again.

Picasso had his second adopted birthday yesterday and I have kept focus on anything else but him. The weather has not been the most beautiful here, come on, +6 celsius degrees in December, but to me it’s been something very relaxing. I keep repeating myself when telling the fog here is just breathtaking magical.

The triple ‘oh gosh’ my friend surprised me up with a present. I had no idea and it made me feel so freaking excited. I already was so excited about Holidays, but now I am most. I just can’t wait to get it open alongside with Picasso’s gifts – I can tell his presents make him to be so excited, too. And that’s actually the idea of our Christmas card this year, it’s all about my little greedy Christmas Elf with his huge excitement about presents. I can’t wait to show the card to you next week when it’s topic.

The town is ready for Christmas. The lights are up everywhere and they have even made a manger of Jesus up there. Mph, if you ask from me the poor baby looks like he is wearing a three hole pullover mask so I call him as “commando Jesus”. Go and see. Next year they should ask someone else to knit those dolls, just saying lol. However, I anyway love it what they have made, things like this cheers people up and makes it all feel magical – commando or not (in Finnish we call it as ‘commando’, to be honest I have no idea if it means anything or even something terrible in English).

Everyday and at times at nights I go for a walk just to admire it all. People here are celebrating Holidays different way than I have seen them doing anywhere else. And also here, they do stay away from others during the pandemic which just makes me feel so good. I am very, very tired of seeing and hearing people doing what they do and not caring about common wellbeing during this difficult and serious time. I wish people would not meet families or han out in groups this year, but kept focus on getting rid of this virus all together. But you know, we are all human beings and not empathy, understanding and caring we all unfortunately are blessed with. What a pity!

I still keep hoping. And staying positive. Stay safe lovelies and keep making a difference by choosing better and acting smarter than them dummies around. There are many, many ways to soak the Christmas spirit into yourself without other people around.