Can you believe it’s Christmas Eve tomorrow? I hardly can, but yes it is. Time has flown like an unicorn. Well, my time has not been as beautiful and sweet as unicorns are, but it still feels nice to say it that way. And as long as there is life, there is hope and hope always brings some sweetness with, right?! Well, we have to keep believing it will!

However, I had imagined this time of a year in new home to be beautiful and such a dream and it is, but I am not. My energy levels are low on zero and life under so many different kind of meds have messed my whole system up. I am very tired emotionally and physically, feeling sick and so awful that most of the time I just want to fade away. So I needed to change most of the plans around Christmas to keep it as comfy as possible. In Finland we do celebrate at 24th, very much in 25th all celebration is over which is odd as I know most in the world that’s the day people actually celebrates it.

However, Picasso got his Elf sweater finally and we already did a little adventure in a forest as two tiny Elves. Phone has kept muted and it will stay, I wish people would understand but sadly seems they don’t. I am the one people have always seen having some energy to share, and when I don’t they make me feel like I was a bad person. Just trying to cope with that feeling though it really is killing me.

But, let’s back to the Elves!

I do keep enjoying of every single moment I have energy to do something else but just sitting and staring front of me. Little, big (HUGE!) things have surprised me up lately which have added my enjoyment in this dark time of a year (and life). My friend sent me a card over, she is incredible talented with painting you see! It’s gorgeous! She also sent me a parcel which I can’t wait to open tomorrow.. oh gosh it just makes me feel so excited!

Also, another friend stopped by at the door this morning and brought me something pink. It made me feel amazingly happy even though I am not allowed to eat chocolate or other sweets because of my ill pancreas. I still love the thought and that they visited by.

My beloved soul-twin in New Zealand has kept cheering me up as well online, and I know she has some gifts for me, too, but because of pandemic they are stuck and not allowed to get shipped. Well, I do have the same issue with her parcel which I hate. What a year! You can only imagine how much I wait to wave goodbyes for the 2020 and hopefully for the most of the mess it has bought with.

Wrapping tiny gifts has made me happy. In this year because of terrible economy after all poop hitting my fan I have not been able to bring or send presents for my beloved ones. I still made some for my doctor, nurse and them who have been around and helping by sharing their support during this difficult time. Nothing special, but something with love, you know. Also the card I got done, but of course the company I ordered them messed the shipping up and they never reached me. Luckily I got some printed at local house to be bring for lovelies in time.

So, it’s been like that. I do hope I would have some energy tomorrow morning to bring candles to the graveyard and also for doing even a short walk in a nature. Today I didn’t, but the little Elf-adventure with baba yesterday replaces the sadness about it a bit. We’ll see how it goes, I wish you all have a miraculous Holidays and that no matter what you would find a way to believe in magic and keep up the hope 💖