IT’S THE TIME

In my life there are things not everyone could ever understand, not even talking about handling them. I never thought I would open up about them and share them with the world. Why would I do so? I haven’t have any reason to even think about it, as, who it would help? And nothing else but leading something with always better and better results and targets I want to do in my life.

I have been open about my struggles what comes to battling with eating disorder in my past and some of you are reading my blog by that; after reading about it and my story from magazines. That neither, I actually started myself but by the requests enough from outside. But however, I have never been open about what has driven me in life, how have I survived from everything and from what all I have actually survived from.

One day I was a young girl walking on streets on New York City, having no idea where the life would bring me to. I didn’t know where to go, or if to stay. I had many options. I have many different paths to choose. Already I was carrying so much on my shoulders, and now when looking back I am thinking, what if I knew what the life would bring me in future, would have I kept going then? Probably not. But would have I chosen different way either? I don’t think so.

They say not the whole life will be just fighting. Well, not everyone knows what they are talking about. Actually, I am very tired with people talking about things they have no idea, not any experience of. And not reading is the experience: going through it by yourself instead is.

When I am saying, not everyone could ever understand or handle what has happened in my life, so, do you think I can? Most of the time I feel I can’t. Most of the time in my life I have been thinking there is no sense left in this life. But I have kept going, fighting by thinking and believing that one day I will understand and find the reason for why I have not given up. I have found them reasons now. And after talking about it with my doctors, nurser and therapists over and over again, I do know this is the right decision and the right timing. Just right now.

It’s the time.