Just a tiny while ago I could feel fall in the air. So suddenly it turned to be a touch of winter. Like in one night. It used to be warm nights all autumn, when I woke up on Wednesday morning the temperature was gone down to zero. It felt so cold outside, but frost made it all look so magical.

I found it inspiring. Past two years have be so tough you know. Past two weeks made it feel even more difficult. Losing close ones is never easy, when such young people pass away it can be very hard emotionally. Well, for my kind of person it is. Still I need to tell I can handle it better, meaning losing humans than animals. I would say little children and animals are in same category for me. How those beautiful creatures deserve to die? Lately I’ve been thinking about life such a big way. What are we doing here and why? Who dies next? I am just so tired of losing people around for heaven. Or where ever they go.

But that’s about death, I am doing my best to deal with it once again. But sad I am. A very sad. That’s the fact I can’t help, but I keep coping.

Good thing is my hand seems better. I met surgeon a week ago on Friday and got new instructions how to do, on Monday I was also able to stop taking meds for it.

I have done moving slowly but surely. For sure I will share about moving process soon, these last past few weeks have just kept me away from everything. I have kept focus on healing, well, I have tried to. Have you ever been thinking how different those physical injuries are than emotional ones? As a very emotional person I have hard times to deal with losses. It’s looking all good outside while you are suffering so much inside. And when understanding has not been shared, you feel totally alone. And for such an independent person it can be such a curse. As it’s same time actually the biggest blessing.

As I said I found the cool weather and shades of winter very inspiring. New neighborhood, new environment, it’s giving me the peace I have been reaching for so long. Having the ocean by and as odd as I am, the graveyard by as well, I feel like home. Where ever I go there I feel I am home. I am finally home with my family.

I think just in this fall I have finally understood what does it mean to move forward step by step. Not running, not hurrying, but giving some time to myself. I think not until this fall I have really stopped and actually focused what I see, feel, smell, hear and taste. And them all by same time. Such a great train for brain, let me tell. Accepting the fact at sometime we all need some time, even myself, is not easy, but it can be very healing.

In a big picture we are all good. We are alive, we are able to move ourselves, we have food and such nice home. At times we all go though such hard times, that’s life. What would it tell about us if we didn’t care? Exactly. It’s just okay to mourn, it’s okay to be not okay. And it’s all okay to say it aloud.

But same time I feel we need to keep reaching the inspiration to keep going. Doing things that make us happy. Surrounding ourselves with people lifting us up, not bringing down. Understanding our own value. Understanding the value of life and every single day doing something, anything, that shows we are aware of how lucky we are. Despite everything. Because we are the lucky ones.