I was, and actually still am, sitting in Stockholm at kitchen table and finishing quick lunch while airing beddings and cleaning up, when quickly opened the feedback channels (on the background there’s still playing Isak Danielson’s Save Me Now (sorry neighbors)). It stopped me. The beauty. I have never considered myself a beautiful what comes to standards or so. Well, for often I still I get to hear my looks make no sense as typically ‘beautiful’ means symmetrical features on face and body and I am very asymmetrical with my broken nose, broken jaw and old spinal injury which dropped my right side eyebrow lower than left one. And you know, when due all your childhood you get to hear people telling you are ugly and disgusting and worth nothing. Very uplifting ,you know. Well, I wish you don’t.

I couldn’t understand why outer looks means so much as after all there is the same bone and system working in all of us. And because by time we all change, and the beauty changes as well. I was a kid who seriously wanted to understand, I needed to understand every single thing because if I didn’t, it couldn’t mean something to me and by that; feel something. And it never made sense to me. These days my explanation for outer beauty is ‘a commercial hoax’.

I am still a person, even stronger than ever, who has to understand something and things behind it, for creating an opinion and feeling about it. I am not very simple person, but I am very practical. And yes, I am different. Someone calls it weirdness. Or madness.

Why it never went into my head when someone said I am beautiful? Because it doesn’t make sense to me when the only explanation is about looks. And that’s what makes me to be very simple person: I lose my interest like in a second. If human being can’t see by other senses but with sight, I find it very disappointing. The same thing is with if the richest person is so poor that they have nothing else, but their money. To me how do you live, how do you treat people around, how do you think and how do you use the brain capacity (no matter what) is beauty. And I love people who let that glow with no shame.