What Christmas means to you? Do you have traditions or is it just another day to you? I know there are many people stressing a lot about Christmas, about putting everything perfectly up for the most wonderful celebration. Same time I know many people who is not giving a damn about a whole celebration anymore. Some of those people I know use to did, which has made me think about what has actually changed? Have people just given up? Or do they feel uncomfortable around Holidays these days?

Both I can understand and both saddens me, no can do. I know Holidays can be very frustrating and painful for some people, it brings so many memories up and not all of them are always wonderful ones. Also, being aware that not everyone is able to celebrate Christmas is breaking many people’s hearts. And I know some of those people, them very good hearted people, who also have decided to not celebrate by themselves, but oh how much they invest in bringing a wonderful Christmas for someone who could not on their own. If you thought there are only selfish people living in this world, I need to tell you that you are very much wrong. But as there are so many cold-hearted and selfish people around, I have started to call those good people not actually even people anymore, but them souls and even magic.

I am honored to be blessed by few of souls in my life, they have touched my heart and changed my future forever. This is something you can never give back to them the way they would deserve. B as the truly good-hearted people do, them souls, they do good things for others from their heart, by following their strong values, not for expecting to get something back. So the least you can do when receiving something good from those miraculous human beings, let’s recycle it. Once you get back on your feet, start doing the same for others; sharing the goodness. All my life I kept focus on others, never thought one day it could come back to me. It did and it always will, I believe. Even though my life is still such a battle, those souls and magic have kept me going by bringing some hope, love and positive energy into my system. And that’s the biggest gift I could ever have. And I will never forget what I have been blessed by. As I said: “they have touched my heart and changed my future forever. I would not be standing here right now and writing this post without them”. So I won’t stop sharing the goodness by myself either. Instead, I will keep focus on it even more.

I have been thinking about the Christmas. A lot. As I have told, this Christmas is going to be very different to me this year so many ways. Well, kinda all possible ways. Always I have been able to given even a little bit of Christmas celebrations for my babies, and that what has made my Christmas as well. There was a time my Bean got Santa visiting him every year as it was a big thing to him. We needed to get rid of this tradition when BenBen became part of our family, as he was so afraid of Santa. Bean was okay with it as long as he got tons of presents. BenBen mostly loved baking with me so baking dog treats became our new traditions starting from 2013. In 2018 I was in Florida and flew back home with Picasso for Holidays. It was our last Christmas with BenBen which we didn’t know then. The next Christmas became very painful by that and that’s when the magic touched our lives. In 2019 Picasso and I got both pampered with the most wonderful Christmas created by people loving us so much. That’s what I will never forget as it also was my very first real Christmas celebration, not just something for my pups. Picasso went like totally nuts of all the gifts he got and so did I. I got so many beautiful gifts that it still feels like a dream.

This year as our situation is not good, I started to feel very miserable when thinking about not a celebration we are able to have any realistic way. Then I said “no”. I went to the basement and put together all the old decorations we had left (most of them I needed to sell to survive in summer, which why for example the curtains I only have one left and it’s not very beautiful hanging on the window without a pair. But hey, at least we have one, yay!). I brought them inside and we decorated our home while playing Michael Bubble Christmas songs.

Picasso was also donated an own advent calendar, a Moomin one which has a tiny bedtime story hidden in each door till Christmas Eve. He has enjoyed of it a lot. On Saturday we also got to know that he is really going to have one present from Carol from USA for Christmas, which melted my heart and I kept crying all day long. I am not able to give much to my baba this year, but together we are able to create something for both of us. This Christmas I have learned that different can be a good thing. And that sometimes ‘nothing’ can be ‘everything’.

This Christmas also has gives us something very precious to treasure forever: the theme for our Christmases to be. As we are first time creating our own Christmas and traditions, just Picasso and I, not being depended on anyone else’s plans or timetable, we are also creating our own theme of the Holiday celebration which we actually never had before. After all it feels only right to have a theme as our own tradition in a future starting from now. Our theme is ‘the gratitude’.

What I have planned so far for our very first Christmas celebration and Holiday just by Picasso and I:
• Opening the last door of Picasso’s Advent calendar right after waking up and reading the book from popping up there
• Opening Picasso’s present after morning fairytale
• Watching little bit of cartoons
• Bringin a candle to cemetery
• Little day walk with Picasso’s Christmas light decorated strollers
• Having some tea when coming back inside and listening Christmas songs, preparing Picasso’s Christmas dinner
• Bath time
• Picasso’s Christmas dinner
• Christmas movie night and knitting something special for baba