It all turned around, it was nothing I had planned for so long – the Christmas Eve at a new home where everything was supposed to be perfect. Of course it was as I am so grateful for everything I have, but just the way the life this time wanted to turn it to be, not what I wished. The life just hit me down in a big way – – once again – – with such terrible news about one more death touching my life so deeply that not for awhile I could have felt the bottom under my feet. It was a big bite to swallow, it was such shocking thing to handle. It was the day I had been waiting for so long and despite all my tiredness and illnesses I had kept planning it to be amazing and beautiful, and such a funny experience for my little baba.

And I got it made through the tears. I got it made nice time for Picasso even if I was not really able to handle anything at that day. He sensed it from me, of course, but it made me happy it didn’t disturbed his excitement about gifts opening and dinner after all.

I kept focus on relaxing only. All the plans got suddenly changed and we ended up to market to buy some sauna stuffs to help me with it. We also went to graveyard to bring some candles, but not by walking as I had planned, because I had no power in my legs at all. When we were getting the candles something very odd happened. Only a day before I had talked about Orchids with my beloved friend and I had decide to get one into our new home. I was passing the window of a flower shop just closing their doors when saw something touching my heart. One single, most precious Orchid I had ever seen in my life. I got it and brought it home as it felt just so right. Those spots reminds me of BenBen’s ones.

At home we started playing Christmas songs and opened the gifts. I was surprised to have some myself, too, which touched my heart deeply, even more in this day filled with so much sadness and emotions anyway. I can’t even explain how did it feel to open the parcels alongside with Picasso as I had no idea I was actually going to have some. We got most precious Pentik mulled wine cups (did you know mulled wine is most special thing in Holidays to me? Yes, so this gift was something you can’t ever understand. Ah, I love them!) and precious candle from the same brand. And everyone knows how much candles I do love. Kinda most. Thank you so much!

I also got surprised such a touching way by my friend. I had no idea she had got me something and when the parcel arrived, my excitement stayed up in a big way. When I opened the gift at this evening it just brought me tears. It was everything in this parcel she had got me: suddenly it felt like a warm, softest hug ever which was most deeded right at this moment. Also, the color of this beautiful Alpa scarf is so me, it made me so happy and comfy and feeling so loved. Even more as the values of manufacturers matches to mine which tells me even more how well my friend knows me and how much she loves me. Thank you, I love you, too!

Picasso loved all he got: 4 new winter jackets matching to my clothes, an activity game (which I found the cutes thing ever with tiny ladybugs in it), 4 new Moomin dinner bowls chosen to fit perfectly to his character and the best of all, his most favorite thing: the organic, eco sheep rug directly from an organic sheep farm. The hair is so long and he keeps laying on it and playing on it as it feels so comfy and warm towards his little nakid body

After gifts opening I relaxed for an hour in sauna and just let my body and mind calm down before dinner.

After dinner we watched our traditional Christmas movie; The Holiday which is my favorite (well, I need to tell the new one with this is actually ‘The Last Christmas’, gosh I loved it!). And I fell asleep in between of it.

The 24th was emotionally awful, but next morning brought some light with it. And some snow.. And my apologize, that’s where my actual Christmas post actually starts from. But I have decided to not be a blogger sharing just the shell of a life here, but the real life with all it brings with to all of us at times, so you all could at times find something to relate to, not just something to dream about.
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I feel at 25th I actually started to feel a little bit of Christmas in my heart. The sadness is still there, but I am starting to have a peace by understanding what has happened. The life is so fragile. When I woke up I just wanted to go for a little walk. So I did. It was all quiet around, people doing their things at home, I was all by myself with my baba.

I ended up to store to buy something for my dear friend and her family, just because I suddenly wanted to show them how much I do love them.

After all I found myself keeping warm with mulled wine and feeling comfy. I can’t bring someone’s life back and that’s how it’s mean to be. She is living in spirit and I can feel it at times. We born and we die, all of us, but between those two miraculous things we all should have some understanding of actually living the life up.

Bless you all xoxo