When I was a child I felt I just needed some love. I was a brave kid who always talked about feelings but it was so hard I couldn’t understand why I felt the way I did. And no one ever explained me. I needed to work hard to understand myself. It was so hard because when I got older not other people around me understood either. I was odd child, I had my deep belief in God despite the family I grow with never was religious. I sang alone in my room and while walking to school. I often just laid outside on the lawn or on snow by watching sunset or stars in the sky and thinking where passed souls are living? When it was raining I ran outside to feel the tears of heaven on my skin, I always cried because the rain felt like a comforting hug. I may sat on the huge rock after school for hours and just think about life and human being. The biggest question I had on my mind when I was 6 years old was: what I am? Not who I am but what. I got upset because I couldn’t understand. For some reason I had a need to understand what makes my lungs to breath and heart to beat, and what makes all thoughts to pop up on my mind. I wanted to know why did I miss home even though I was home.

When I was a child I learned hard way you can’t force the love. Sometime, no matter how kind and nice you are or how well you behave, it’s just not enough for someone. There is always something that makes someone to not like you. And that something makes you feel sad. It’s hurtful. It hurts when people laugh at you. It hurts when people say you are ugly. It hurts when people hit and push you down. Sometime a look hurts, and at times it hurts much more when there is no even a look left anymore.

My grandma made me feel I was loved. No matter what, no matter how tired and old she was she picked me up after school on every Friday. On Saturdays she took me to market and always I was able to get something little. A candy or stickers, sometime she also bought me a toy. The love of her was incredible. It was healing. My grandma taught me how to make discussions and because of her I am good at it today. Because her I am social and curious. And because of her I never chased love but found independence and happiness.

Today I very well understand how important it is to listen to your feelings, your heart and the guiding love deep in your heart. And also how important it is to appreciate love and not chase it.

You can’t force the love, not any kind of love; not romantic feelings or the love we share between friends and family members. There is a connection between two human being or there’s not. You feel it or you don’t. It’s in the air and in the first kiss, in touch and all over in the spirit. We also need to understand it’s not enough if only you feel the love, the other part needs to feel it as well. If you don’t get response to your love it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. We all have our own special way to love and receive love, and also the need to be loved. And what I have learned, you really need to love yourself before you are ready to engage and receive some love from someone else.

WHY FINDING LOVE IS SO HARD?

Do you have rules? Like the color of eyes, the height etc? Oh please, forget them. The real love don’t mind the looks, it’s all about character and connection between you two. Nothing else but feelings matter, the look will change anyway by age. Think about this: what if you get blind and couldn’t see your partner anymore? In this point you probably wish the love of your life would be more kind than beautiful.

Do you push people away? Sometime when we are not OK with ourselves we push people away when they start to get closer to us. When this happens it’s time to sort your thought out. How do you really feel? Do you have fears? Or is it a some kind of trauma that makes you act like this? Also sometime when we are doing something we shouldn’t our system makes us to act like this. If you can’t explain your acting, follow your feelings and stay away from people who don’t make you feel safe and loved.

Are you over excited? We are all different, but very often over enthusiastic person makes the crush fade away. It is good to show you are interested in but surprise visits and neurotic liking and commenting on social media may not be a good idea.

Don’t you meet interesting people? Probably you are in a wrong company, hanging out with wrong kind of personalities. Go to the hobbies you are interested in, the free time is the best time to meet similar personalities as yours. According to a new study by various research institutions, we are attracted to people who are similar to us.

Do you feel people don’t like you? Often we feel so just because we are unsure and have a low self-esteem. And sometime people just don’t like us. Remember as long as you treat people well, as well you are well-behaving, selfless and kind there is nothing wrong with you. Always follow your values and keep your own beautiful character up no matter what. There will be the one who loves you just the way you are.

Do people just always use you? Stop trying to make people to like you, do not fawn over and / or act something you are not. Be yourself. Do not tell lies for making yourself to sound “better” you are, in love you are good enough the way you are. In love no one uses you.

Are you desperately looking for love? Instead chasing love just keep your heart and mind open. Why are you in hurry? Where is this need coming from? Keep up creating new contacts and connections without expectations.

Looking for a rich one? Oh dear, good luck then!

Don’t lose your faith in love, we all have someone somewhere waiting for us ♥